Helpful Hints for Happy Parenting!

Expect the Unexpected.

Parenting is an adventure. In fact it may be the greatest adventure of a lifetime. It is hard to know what to expect minute-to-minute with babies or day-to-day with toddlers. Although there is no manual for parenthood, and every child is different, helpful hints regarding what is possible may help parents anticipate challenging behavior and practice more ideal responses.

Here is a collection of helpful hints for happy parenting to navigate some of the challenges that may occur along the journey of parenthood. It is a great introduction for newbies and reminder for O.G.s.

Change is constant.

1. Change is constant -Just as you get the hang of something, teach a new skill, master a routine, overcome a hurdle, change will happen. If you remember to expect change it is much easier to adjust and adapt. The easier you adjust and adapt the better your child learns to adjust and adapt.

Kids can sense your emotions!

2. Kids can sense your emotions- Have you ever heard of emotional contagion? It’s a concept to explain why all babies cry when one baby cries. Babies and children are astute observers of emotion. While they may not understand the complexities behind ‘all the feels’ they know if the vibe is positive or negative. No matter how much you try to hide or mask your emotions your child will feel your anxiety, sadness, anger, joy or enthusiasm. It is one of the tools they use to know whether they are safe or in danger. This survival skill leads us into the next tip…

Kids will reflect your emotions!

3. Kids will reflect your emotions- Young children do not have the emotional language to express what they are feeling or the emotional vibe you are giving off. While older children may have more language for labeling feelings they still require practice expressing them, which is not customary in our society. Therefore most children will reflect your emotions back to you through their behavior. This is one of the ways they can communicate how they are feeling. Keep this in mind when your child becomes clingy, withdrawn, confused, etc. Reflect on changes in your life and your own emotions that may account for how your child is feeling and thus behaving. Also note that sadness in adults and sadness in children does not look the same so be careful to dismiss their emotions or their adjustment because they look different.

Children internalize what you say.

4. Children internalize what you say- There a quote that I think about in my own parenting journey that says “When you criticize a child they don’t stop loving their parents. They stop loving themselves.” It is very important to critique and correct your child’s BEHAVIOR while continuing to express love and acceptance for them as a person. Using accusatory language such as “you always” or “you never” can be internalized as a put down of the whole person. This can also lead to damaging negative thought patterns such as “I never get anything right”, “I am always wrong”, and “I can’t do anything”.

Children imitate what you do.

5. Children imitate what you do- One of the strongest and fastest pathways to learning behavior is by observing behavior. Children pay attention to parents behavior, again, for survival. They learn how to be in the world and get their needs met by imitating parental behavior positive and negative. So just as they will imitate what you say, when they are able, they will imitate what you do as soon as they are able too. Keep in mind that children can learn how to do a behavior even before they develop the motor skills to perform them.

Consistency is the key helpful hint for happy parenting!

6. Consistency is the key- The hardest thing to do when you have young children who are so reactionary, is to be consistent. The hardest thing to do when you have middle age children who question everything is to be consistent. The hardest thing to do when you have adolescent children who discount everything is to be consistent.

The best way to teach your children what you believe, how to survive, how to thrive, how to be their best, how to follow the rules and how to break them is to be consistent. Consistency provides a structure, or safety net, that permits children to learn the truths or morays of life and to test their limits. Consistency allows children to learn to rely on parents to take care of them, how to be reliable. As a parent you must decide the areas in which you must be consistent and the areas that are more flexible for your family.

Cognitive skills are developmental!

7. Kids think and reason differently- When you are baffled by how your child’s mind works (or doesn’t seem to work) there is a legitimate reason for your observations. Their cognitive processes are not like yours. Children process information differently at different stages.

This may be more obvious when they are younger, when they are mouthing every thing because that is how they are categorizing the world. They will continue to show odd reasoning patterns when they repeat the same game, book, or song a thousand times or when their whole world falls apart because the peas aren’t staying in the right position on the plate. The older they get, children’s cognitive skills appear to get closer and closer to our own, but they are still very young minded. This may cause confusion when a young man is big and muscular but he laughs at fart sounds or a teenage girl has womanly curves but cries when her hairstyle isn’t right.

Physical maturity often comes before cognitive maturity. The human brain is not fully developed until a person is in their tweenties, so go easy on your grownish looking childish acting teen. And remember to state the obvious for all children, regardless of age, because they may understand the components of the topic but may not be putting the information together yet.

Best way to teach kids to use words is by using your words.

8. Best way to teach kids to use words is to model it- Remember how kids imitate behavior? That includes talking behavior. They will imitate what you say and how you say it. The best way to teach your children to use respectful language is for you model it in how you speak to others and to them. If you want them to assert themselves you must model it in your interactions with others and them. The most effective way to teach your children to use the power of language to resolve conflicts and problem solve is to model it with others and them.

Your kids will understand what you teach them. Communicate!

9.Talk to your kids— You are your child’s first and most influential teacher. Get in the habit of talking to them about everything. You want to be sure that your children feel comfortable talking to you about their questions and concerns. Strive to be the first person to explain complex topics to them to ensure that they have accurate information to measure all other incoming messages against. And lastly, work to ensure that they develop the verbal skills and capacity to manage their emotions, modulate their behavior, maneuver social situations and advocate for their needs and for fair treatment of others.

The best way to help them develop these skills is to model them by talking to your children about everything and anything. You can use books to generate topics in the beginning when the conversation seems one sided. Later they will bring their own curiosity and questions to the discussion to direct your dialogue. Here’s a helpful hint, you asked for it so Be ready!

There’s a Method to the Madness of Repetition! Let me say that again.

10. There is a purpose to the madness of Repetition. The repetitive thing can drive you crazy but it is good for mastery. If you consider how much professional athletes, even the talented ones, have to practice to reach the level of mastery.

Well, young children are seeking mastery over their environment. It is one of the milestones that allows them to tether further away from the safety of their parents. They must know how the world works in order to safely explore their environment.

When you know to expect them to want the same bedtime story three times a night for 50 straight nights, then you can have a sense of humor or tag team that event to keep from losing your cool. Expect it. Please note however if your child is engaged in any repetitive behaviors that are concerning you should contact your pediatrician to discuss your concerns.

Happy Parenting is a mindset!

So what is the mindset you need to be a happy parent? Expect the unexpected! All children are unique (even within the same family). Therefore you should not feel obligated to obey anyone with rules about parenting; however, it can help to listen to the experiences of others and make a mental note of what could be coming your way!